One less time
Olivia seems to be growing and developing so fast suddenly and I’m finding myself having to adjust to this new pace.
I think because she splits her time between here and her dad’s my radar for noticing these changes is especially fine tuned. She seems to be somewhat taller, wittier and more self-reliant each time she comes back.
Missing her makes me notice these things. The gaps in time when I don’t see her give me these still frames of her that I have time to really take in while she’s away. I feel grateful for that perspective.
And it helps me to really try hard to cherish every moment with her. To fully be present as I realise there are certain things that are now naturally starting to be numbered.
As I teach her to wash her own hair, I know it’s one less time I’ll be doing it for her.
Each time she tries to lie on top of me and snuggle close is a reminder that her body is getting closer and closer to the size of mine and doesn’t quite fit in my arms the same way anymore, now too big for me to pick her up and carry her to bed.
I see her throw her clothes off and prance around in her underwear the minute we’re through the door and I know that soon a time will come when she’ll want to start covering up.
I notice how when I take her to the optician or the hairdresser I have to bite my lip when they ask questions, as I realise they’re addressing her directly and not me on her behalf. I watch in awe as she speaks with confidence and clarity, remembering how she would cling to me before.
I try to take in every little moment, to notice all the little things. To find joy in the things I would sometimes have wished away, like nagging at her to brush her teeth or pleading with her to hurry up as we rush to leave the house.
To really cherish the time I have to take care of her and everything that entails. And to know that how I take care of her is inevitably changing.
The magic of life is right there, unfolding in front of me.
All these little things that go unnoticed when we move too fast and do too much.
